By Allan Wall
As we enter the fourth month of 2021, an amazing series of turnarounds on immigration policy has been noted among national leaders and opinion-makers.
The first hint came in a statement by Jen “Circle Back” Psaki, presidential spokeswoman, in a press conference. She declared that, “The administration has ended the evil practices of the evil President Donald Trump. Trump put kids in cages, but we are securing children for their own safety. Now that we’ve established our moral superiority, we can now encourage all the border crossers to turn around, and go back home. After all, the Administration’s responsibility is to American workers, not foreign border jumpers.”
A group of reporters intercepted President Biden, on his daily stroll on the White House grounds with Dr. Jill and their dangerous German Shepherd, Major.
Upon being asked if the Biden administration wasn’t reverting to Trump policies, the current President responded, “C’mon man! Trump was a bad dude! What we’re doing is negotiating with Mexico to set up a ‘Remain in Mexico’ program.”
When asked how that differed from Trump’s policy, Dr. Jill shut down the conversation. “Sorry, I’ve got to put a lid on it,” the First Lady firmly announced. “It’s 5 p.m., and we’ve got to get the President to bed.” And she shuffled Sleepy Joe back to the White House.
Seeking clarification, reporters questioned Secretary of Homeland Security Alejandro Mayorkas, who is an immigrant himself.
Quoth Mayorkas, “Of course, we want to encourage immigration. I’m an immigrant myself, remember? But I’m a grateful immigrant, so I want to identify with the country I migrated to, and right now mass immigration isn’t good for that country. Now that we’ve shown how humane we are, we’re going to institute a massive new program of deportation, excuse me, not deportation, but repatriation to the migrants’ home countries.”
U.S. Chamber of Commerce President and CEO Suzanne Clark announced a new policy of promoting high American wages: “New research indicates that glutting the U.S. work force with foreign workers without benefits isn’t good for American workers. We had no idea. But now that it’s been proven, we’re calling for a five-year immigration shutdown to help American workers. After all, if they have more money, they can spend it on commerce.”
Mainstream media outlets are now competing with each other, not by producing tear jerkers about illegal aliens, but about Americans losing their jobs because of mass immigration, outsourcing, and COVID-19 lockdowns.
Speaking of which, the nation’s Coronavirus Guru Dr. Anthony Fauci asked, “What good does it do to wear three face masks if we’re bringing in hordes of non-social distancing Central Americans, some of whom have COVID-19?” Fauci’s solution: “Let’s bring the war against COVID back to the southern border, and make sure the border is socially distanced. It’s science!”
Even lawmakers are rethinking open borders dogma.
New York’s 14th District Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez explained that, “After surviving the January 6th Insurrection and the Ted Cruz assassination plot, I feel I have a new lease on life. Don’t get me wrong, Trump is still evil. But it occurred to me that maybe my first responsibility is to the working people of my congressional district and, maybe, flooding the 14th with more foreign workers during a pandemic isn’t the best for them.”
Senate Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi are currently negotiating with US Incorporated’s Executive Director Isabel Lyman.
Their goal? To hold the next Writers’ Workshop at a joint session of the U.S. Congress.
Nancy Pelosi explained that, “Chuck and I realized that most senators and representatives go on and on about immigration, but really don’t know much about it. They just repeat the same old clichéd slogans. So we’re bringing in real experts on the topic, the speakers at the Writers’ Workshop. And we plan to televise it!”
This new developing paradigm is even spreading south of the border. An international conference of Latin American leaders is set to discuss how they can solve their own problems without using the U.S. as their human dumping ground and ATM machine.
Isn’t this great news?
Oh, wait a second, check today’s date: APRIL FOOLS!
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